MARTIN
All righty, Jane, why don’t you go stand over there and pose for me.
JANE
[taking off her sweatshirt]
Okay, Martin, dear, whatever you say
MARTIN
What are you doing that for?
JANE
That sweatshirt makes me look so frumpy, Martin, wouldn’t want to be painted like that!
MARTIN
Yes, I suppose this way would give off a more shapely feel.
[JANE lays down on the couch, beginning to get in position]
No, no, no I’ll need you to stand up and slump over like this [MARTIN slumps violently over, arms dangling]
JANE
Martin, are you crazy? Slump over like that for who knows how long? I prefer to be comfortable.
MARTIN
Now, hear, Jane! I am the artist and you are my muse. Now, go on, slump. This is to be a dramatic piece of art.
JANE
[snuggling into the couch]
I feel perfectly dramatic where I am, thank you.
MARTIN
[staring sternly]
Jane McCarthy stand up this instant, slouch over like this and dangle your arms!
JANE
Ugghh! [stands and lets her long, flowing red hair]
MARTIN
Oh good idea, yes, your hair shall dangle as well!
[JANE flips her hair and shakes her head in a provocative manner]
[not noticing her sensuality, MARTIN continues on]
JANE
[heading toward the closet]
Shall I try on some pretty hats for the painting, Martin?
MARTIN
Why, that would be silly. It would fall right off your head soon as you slumped over
JANE
Just for fun? Oh please, Martin? Can I? We have all day
[trying on a giant purple hat with feathers]
MARTIN
Oh Jane, it takes a day and a half for me to finish a painting such as this
JANE
[standing by a full-length mirror admiring herself and posing]
Just a few more hats, Martin
MARTIN
Well hurry up then. This is not meant to be fun and games.
JANE
[trying on a graduation cap]
Do I look younger, Martin?
MARTIN
[Uninterested]
Mmmhhmmm
JANE
More beautiful perhaps?
MARTIN
[still uninterested]
Yes, lovely.
JANE
[beginning to try on yet another hat]
How abou-
MARTIN
Enough with the hats, Jane. Take it off and put it back in the closet where it belongs. We have work to be done.
JANE
[still wearing the last hat, walks over and slumps over slowly, hoping the hat might stay on]
[hat falls onto the floor with a thump]
Happy?
MARTIN
Yes, I’ve changed my mind. I think the painting will be even more dramatic with the hat on the floor like that. It’s as if the hat is all you’ve got left, and it’s fallen.
JANE
If it truly were the only thing I had left, I’d have to be naked
MARTIN
[not hearing JANE’S comment, still deep in thought about the underlying meaning of the painting]
Well, I suppose the hat could also symbolize the world in some way or another.
JANE
Why don’t you leave it up the observer to determine the deep symbolism of the mysterious hat on the floor.
MARTIN
[beginning to paint with huge strokes]
Right.
JANE
We really haven’t talked in forever, have we?
MARTIN
[deep and emotional in his strokes]
no
JANE
How is Catherine?
MARTIN
Good
JANE
Good
[awkward pause]
Why have you decided to paint me today, Martin?
[long pause]
Am I beautiful?
MARTIN
[painting faster]
Mmmmhmmm I’m almost finished
JANE
Well that was fast
MARTIN
[standing back from his artwork, pondering its elements]
Yes, I’m finished. Faster than I thought. You’re a wonderful muse. You may put your sweatshirt back on now
JANE
[standing back up, picking up the hat from the ground]
Oh I’m surprised you’ve finished so quickly. I don’t need to put my sweatshirt back on, I’m quite comfortable with the temperature now, wouldn’t want to get too hot.
[pause]
May I see what you’ve done, Martin?
MARTIN
[spins the easel around for JANE and the audience to see]
[it is an extremely abstract painting. There is no way to know what the picture is of, just a bunch of colors]
All righty, Jane, why don’t you go stand over there and pose for me.
JANE
[taking off her sweatshirt]
Okay, Martin, dear, whatever you say
MARTIN
What are you doing that for?
JANE
That sweatshirt makes me look so frumpy, Martin, wouldn’t want to be painted like that!
MARTIN
Yes, I suppose this way would give off a more shapely feel.
[JANE lays down on the couch, beginning to get in position]
No, no, no I’ll need you to stand up and slump over like this [MARTIN slumps violently over, arms dangling]
JANE
Martin, are you crazy? Slump over like that for who knows how long? I prefer to be comfortable.
MARTIN
Now, hear, Jane! I am the artist and you are my muse. Now, go on, slump. This is to be a dramatic piece of art.
JANE
[snuggling into the couch]
I feel perfectly dramatic where I am, thank you.
MARTIN
[staring sternly]
Jane McCarthy stand up this instant, slouch over like this and dangle your arms!
JANE
Ugghh! [stands and lets her long, flowing red hair]
MARTIN
Oh good idea, yes, your hair shall dangle as well!
[JANE flips her hair and shakes her head in a provocative manner]
[not noticing her sensuality, MARTIN continues on]
JANE
[heading toward the closet]
Shall I try on some pretty hats for the painting, Martin?
MARTIN
Why, that would be silly. It would fall right off your head soon as you slumped over
JANE
Just for fun? Oh please, Martin? Can I? We have all day
[trying on a giant purple hat with feathers]
MARTIN
Oh Jane, it takes a day and a half for me to finish a painting such as this
JANE
[standing by a full-length mirror admiring herself and posing]
Just a few more hats, Martin
MARTIN
Well hurry up then. This is not meant to be fun and games.
JANE
[trying on a graduation cap]
Do I look younger, Martin?
MARTIN
[Uninterested]
Mmmhhmmm
JANE
More beautiful perhaps?
MARTIN
[still uninterested]
Yes, lovely.
JANE
[beginning to try on yet another hat]
How abou-
MARTIN
Enough with the hats, Jane. Take it off and put it back in the closet where it belongs. We have work to be done.
JANE
[still wearing the last hat, walks over and slumps over slowly, hoping the hat might stay on]
[hat falls onto the floor with a thump]
Happy?
MARTIN
Yes, I’ve changed my mind. I think the painting will be even more dramatic with the hat on the floor like that. It’s as if the hat is all you’ve got left, and it’s fallen.
JANE
If it truly were the only thing I had left, I’d have to be naked
MARTIN
[not hearing JANE’S comment, still deep in thought about the underlying meaning of the painting]
Well, I suppose the hat could also symbolize the world in some way or another.
JANE
Why don’t you leave it up the observer to determine the deep symbolism of the mysterious hat on the floor.
MARTIN
[beginning to paint with huge strokes]
Right.
JANE
We really haven’t talked in forever, have we?
MARTIN
[deep and emotional in his strokes]
no
JANE
How is Catherine?
MARTIN
Good
JANE
Good
[awkward pause]
Why have you decided to paint me today, Martin?
[long pause]
Am I beautiful?
MARTIN
[painting faster]
Mmmmhmmm I’m almost finished
JANE
Well that was fast
MARTIN
[standing back from his artwork, pondering its elements]
Yes, I’m finished. Faster than I thought. You’re a wonderful muse. You may put your sweatshirt back on now
JANE
[standing back up, picking up the hat from the ground]
Oh I’m surprised you’ve finished so quickly. I don’t need to put my sweatshirt back on, I’m quite comfortable with the temperature now, wouldn’t want to get too hot.
[pause]
May I see what you’ve done, Martin?
MARTIN
[spins the easel around for JANE and the audience to see]
[it is an extremely abstract painting. There is no way to know what the picture is of, just a bunch of colors]
